he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
as a side note pls kill me
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