Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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