Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
