OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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