i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
