I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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