just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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