lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
