no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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