I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
