We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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