dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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