I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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