Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
