Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
