i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
