i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
