Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
