I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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