when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
