Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
two words...techno handjob
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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