Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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