She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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