there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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