I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
