i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize