I must be too annoying 4 u.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
