I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize