Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
