Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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