1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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