I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
