Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
