My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize