I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
