Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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