I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
