after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
