Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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