hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
