there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
