I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
