im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wish you could order shots online.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
