Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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