a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
