dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
