a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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