'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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