she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
