So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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