You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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