girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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