I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Alive.
So much puke
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
