There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
