so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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