When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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