I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize