I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
