There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Operation Purity has been aborted
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
