I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
