Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
