Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
