If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
