8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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