Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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