she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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