In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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