I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
