It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
