FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
